Welcome to Life Lessons with Dr. Steve Schell. Pastor Steve studies and explains books of the Bible chapter by chapter, verse by verse, in order to apply the eternal truths found there. He does this so thoroughly that it's like we're actually there, watching these people live out their faith. We're glad to have you join us as we travel together through the pages of the Bible.

In this chapter, we come on a situation in Abraham's family. There was a profound offense, a real abandonment, a real break of relationship. And yet, it seems to me that there was a profound healing that took place. Now, I can't prove to you everything I'm going to say is absolutely right. I'll show you, you can see for yourself. I'm going to present for you the material I have, and you can decide whether you think I've been accurate in what I've said.

But I see a healing that went on. And I want to look at what happened and apply it to us. Most of us have old offenses. They're the ones that you talk about, you know, that comes bubbling out and you can't control yourself. They're the ones that don't go away with time. The deep ones.

Isn't it the people we love the most that hurt us the most deeply? The people that we trusted, the people we felt were obliged to love us. We're obliged to protect us and have our interests at stake and yet betrayed us. Those are the hurts that go in like a knife. And they don't go away. They don't go away; they fester. And do this damage inside our souls.

So today I'm going to look at this. And I'm going to tell you where I hope to go. I hope that today while we're talking, the Holy Spirit will put his finger in your soul. And if there's areas where you have had old offenses that have been neglected and left uncared for, that you will go out of here feeling guilty.

Actually, not. I hope that by the end of the service, you will have made a commitment to respond. And I'm going to say that I am really surprised at how I'm watching Christians have offenses and yet not reconcile them. We're in an American society that's a very divorcing society. We abandon one another. It's our trump card. It's the way we process things.

The store doesn't serve us well. We turn on our heel and we walk. It's what we do with stores. It's what we do, unfortunately, with our marriages at times, with children. I watch people turning on their heel and abandoning people angrily. It's the trump card. Aha, you're gone.

And we just do that left and right until we're literally out of cards. I had an old uncle. And he did that through the entire family. He was a great uncle. And there was nobody left standing. As the years went by, he became offended with virtually every living relative anybody could think of. With the exception of my mother, who he insulted numerous times, but refused to be insulted.

What happens is, after a while, we play this trump card of abandoning and of trashing that person, and you're gone, and you're gone, and you're gone, until there's... We used to have just alienated ourselves. And those feelings, the anger, the fears, the turmoil, it doesn't go away. And I think it makes us lonely and I think it makes us sick.

And I think it's where a lot of the joy has gone. So we haven't learned to reconcile. Forgiveness, if I use that term, we think mostly internally of kind of the attitude change inside. But when we use the word reconcile, reconcile is an action. It's something that people do.

Yes, it's born out of forgiveness, but it's the action we take to heal the breach. We've got to learn to reconcile. It's a deeply Christian activity. I have seen people turn and walk on family members, on marriages, on the church, on brothers and sisters in Christ.

And here's the thing that stuns me. The years and years can pass and I keep waiting for certain people to feel guilty. To sit in a service somewhere when the worship is strong and the anointing of God comes on them and that somewhere the Holy Spirit's able to break through and say, hey, you never resolved that. You left that wound and you've walked away on it.

You go back and you heal that. You go back and speak to those people. You go back and apologize. Or you go back and share your pain and don't just carry it. And yet I'm watching people totally oblivious. It never occurs to them that they haven't a right to harbor an offense.

They haven't a right to abandon and turn on their heel and walk off on people that that isn't their Christian right to do. And today I'm saying it loud and clear. It's not our Christian right to do that. You and I have no right to that behavior.

I know it's fundamentally American. It's so American right now, it's sickening. But it's not Christian. Jesus called us to be peacemakers. He said, blessed are the peacemakers for what? They shall be called sons of God.

In other words, when you make peace, and a peacemaker is somebody who has the attitude that says, I will, insofar as I'm able, I will heal this. I will reconcile this. The peacemaker is the initiator, isn't it?

The maker, it's the one who goes and takes the initiative to heal this situation. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called sons of God.

When people see you doing that, they're going to know you're like God. That you have his heart. That you're children of God. Your daughters and sons of the living God. Because normal folks don't act like that. Do they?

Normal folks just tell everybody else how bad you are. Feel self-righteous. Get tough and go on. That's what normal folks are doing.

Look at the world. Boy, some of the family relationships are just appalling. Everybody's angry at everybody. Nobody trusts anybody. It is just pathetic. And it's this spirit. It's the inability to reconcile.

If we're going to love, if we're going to have friendship, if we're going to sustain any kind of relationship for a long time, you must learn to reconcile. Because we'll offend each other sooner or later. Hang with me. It'll be sooner.

And so it has to be this process. It has to be an attitude. It has to be a commitment. It has to be a choice I make. I am not going to harbor bitterness. I am not going to let that stuff stay in my heart.

I will do what it takes insofar as I am able to reconcile and get this junk out of my belly and out of this relationship and away from this other person.

So I'm going to show you a remarkable story. I guarantee you no one's ever preached on this text before. First time in history. Actually, I hope not, but I never saw it, I'll tell you that.

We're starting in chapter 25, and I'll read down through the first 12 verses. That's what we'll cover today.

Father, may the Spirit of God open the Word, open our ears and eyes to hear and see the things of God. Come Holy Spirit, you are deeply wanted. We open to you. And I pray for the grace to speak your word faithfully so that we can hear it. And Lord, so that I can hear it afresh.

In Jesus' name, amen.

Verse 1. Now Abraham took another wife whose name was Keturah. Now when did this happen? This happened after Sarah died. Sarah has at this point been dead at least three years.

In that ensuing three years, Abraham has mourned his wife's death and has arranged for the marriage of his son. So Isaac's now married to Rebekah, and he's left the home. He actually had left before he was married. But he's living 80 miles south in a place called Bir Lahai Roy.

Not Lahai Roy Beer. Bir Lahai Roy. It means the well of the living one who sees me. He was named by Hagar. And he's way down in this dry northeast section of the Sinai Peninsula.

What's he doing down there? I'll speculate on that later. But he's way down south. So Isaac's out of the nest. Sarah has been buried. And he marries. He marries a woman in his old age. How old is he? He's 140.

But you remember there was a miracle that took place to rejuvenate him to conceive Isaac. Well, the miracle lingers on. Because he will now produce, between 140 and 175 years of age, he will produce six more sons.

Whoa, Abraham. She bore him, and here's the names of these sons, Zimron, Jokshan, Midan, Midian, that is a name that will rise up as a tribe, Ishbak, and Shua.

Now, that name Shua, you may know, believe it or not. There is in Job's counselors. Remember the book of Job? Well, there were three counselors, and one of them was named Bildad the Shuhite, which I have always contended he was the shortest man in the Bible.

Thank you very much. Yeah. All right. Now, the term Shuhite is actually that tribe there, Shua. So Shua is the father of this tribe of which later on there will be a descendant named Bildad.

It was very short. All right.

Jokshan became the father of Sheba and Dedan. Those are two well-known tribes of the Arabian Peninsula. The fathers of Dedan were Asherim and Ledushim and Leumim.

And the sons of Midian were Ephah, Ephr, Hanak, Abida, and Elda'ah. And all these were the sons of Keturah.

Now Abraham... Gave all that he had to Isaac. That means he's the inheritor of the estate. And so the bulk of the estate will go to Isaac. But to the sons of his concubines.

The sons of his concubines. Would you notice that word is in plural?

Abraham gave gifts while he was still living and sent them away from his son Isaac eastward to the land of the east.

So what happens is he's got this one son who's the heir of his estate and he doesn't want these other sons by this concubine of his old age, Keturah, to rise up and compete with Isaac for the leadership of the tribe or for anything else. He doesn't want trouble.

So as they get old enough to leave the nest, he gives them herds and starter flocks, as it were. They get a certain number of sheep and cattle and goats. I don't know if he gave them camels because they're kind of a luxury item.

But he gave them all these and then he would have given them servants to care for those. Some tents to live in. Maybe some jewelry or some money. I don't know how much of that was involved.

But he would send them off with the kind of thing that you can live on. And if you're a good steward of it, you're on your way.

He's starting them off in business, as it were. And then he says, now, go.

Abraham's their biological father, but clearly he's not their emotional, relational father. He's fathered these, but they're kind of a byproduct of this relationship. He's really not committed to them in that way.

It's a little sad in itself. There's going to be six boys that are hurting a bit. But he sends him off, and it says these are all the years of Abraham's life that he lived, 175 years.

And Abraham breathed his last and died in a ripe old age, an old man satisfied with life, and he was gathered to his people.

So the picture is him lying on a deathbed in which that final air goes out, dying peacefully.

And then notice the comment Moses. Moses is the one who's recording this. Moses makes and says he was gathered to his people.

So Moses pictures Abraham having let that last air out and then his spirit going somewhere where people are waiting for him. See that?

Family and friends, believing family and friends, are somewhere waiting for him and he joins them in that next dimension.

Then it says his sons Isaac and who's the next one? Isn't that an odd name to find there?

I'll show you why a little bit. Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Machpelah in the field of Ephraim, the son of Zohar, the Hittite, facing Mamre.

Mamre's that group of oaks, that area up around Hebron where Abraham liked to camp.

And the field which Abraham purchased from the sons of Heth, where Abraham was buried with Sarah, his wife.

And it came about after the death of Abraham that God blessed his son Isaac, and Isaac lived by Bir Lahai Roy, 80 miles south of Hebron, at least down there in the northeast section of the Sinai, on the way to Egypt.

And then verse 12, one more. Now these are the records of the generations of Ishmael.

And notice the term that's used for him. What's that?

Abraham's son. Do you see that? Abraham's son, whom Hagar, the Egyptian, Sarah's maid bore to Abraham.

There's a distinction being made here. Over here in verse 6, you have the sons of his concubine. But here you have Abraham's son.

It would be hard to imagine an offense more painful than that which Ishmael experienced at the age of 16.

Suddenly, without warning, he was awakened early in the morning by his father, walked a distance outside of camp, and abandoned to the wilderness with only a goat's skin of water.

One day he's the firstborn son of a tribal chief, and the next he is the disinherited, penniless child of a single mom fighting to stay alive. Can you imagine what went on?

Do you remember that? It's in chapter 21.

There had been a party that Abraham's family threw for the weaning of Isaac. Isaac's probably about three years old, and Ishmael will be 16.

Well, at that party, Ishmael had somehow ridiculed something. Now, it's hard to imagine what a 16-year-old would find to ridicule at a weaning party.

But something was funny, and he was making fun. Sarah, who has always hated Hagar, Since she conceived a child so easily by Abraham, Sarah catches this, and boy, it goes in.

And she goes to her husband, and she doesn't ask. She demands. You get rid of that woman and her boy. You get him out of the camp. In fact, I want you to disinherit them. I don't want you to send them out with a gift. I don't want you to send them out with the kinds of things that a son ought to have.

I want you to cast them out like thieves. You throw them outside the camp. You get them out of here. They're trash. Abraham responds as you would think. He grieves.

This is a horrible suggestion. I'm going to tell you something. I respect Sarah's faith. There's no getting around the fact this woman believed on the power of God to rejuvenate her body, and indeed she did it, and at 90 years of age conceived a child.

She's a fine woman that way, but I cannot get around the fact she is a vindictive woman when it comes to Hagar. She did not show any kind of mercy. She had the woman beaten.

Beaten when she's pregnant. She drove her out of camp and only the appearance of the pre-incarnate Jesus Christ showing up and talking to her at that Beardle High Roy well did she even turn around and obey to go back and live in Abraham's household under that kind of abuse.

It's an appalling situation. It's a remarkable situation she endured.

Sarah is vindictive. And Sarah says to her husband, you throw that woman and that boy out of here. You get rid of him. You treat him like trash, because that's what was going on.

Abraham's grieved, and he says, what? And he's not, I don't think he's going to do it. And then God speaks to him.

This isn't God's idea. This wasn't God's party. But God says, no, I made a promise to Ishmael, and I will protect him and raise him into a great nation. You go ahead, I'll use this.

And so with the confidence that God would not let his son die, but would raise him into a nation, Abraham does this. Early in the morning, he wakes his son up.

Now remember this. Ishmael's 16. He's the firstborn son of Abraham. He's been the only son for 13 years. This is daddy. Abraham has, with his own hands, circumcised his son when the Lord spoke.

This is a child of the covenant in that sense. He's not the one through whom the blessing will glow, but he's a covenanted child at this point. I mean, he's in the household of God. This is his boy. He loves this boy. This boy loves dad.

Could be no other way. And his father comes in on the early morning hours and wakes him up and says, come with me, son. And walks him out with his mother a far enough way so that her screams can't be heard and says, now, you're disinherited. You're cast away.

Here's a goatskin of water, get out of here. And he met it, because over the next few days they almost died of dehydration, wandering in the desert.

Talk about a wound. There is no possible way this boy wasn't scarred to the heart. This is a horrible thing. This is a brutal abandonment. It would be hard to think of anyone, anything worse.

Miraculously, he and his mother did survive and even prospered by moving to a remote area where he could hunt for a living. He has nothing. He's got absolutely nothing.

They get a hold of a bow or make one out of something. And then with bows and arrows, he shoots game to feed his mother and himself, living down and they go to this remote high central plateau in the Sinai Peninsula where nobody else wants to be, so they can be left alone and survive hunting.

But it's impossible to conceive that he was not deeply wounded by his father's brutal abandonment. Yet there are clues given here in this chapter that a reconciliation took place between father and son.

Before Abraham died. The most startling evidence is the sight of Isaac and Ishmael working side by side to bury their father.

This simply could not have happened if Ishmael were still an outcast. Wouldn't you agree?

Let me play the story out a little further. Sarah died 34 years later. So for 34 years, This angry woman has ensured that the family would not reconcile. Her husband's going to pay for it big

Here is the cleaned-up sermon transcription:

Yes, those six boys got it. They got gifts. Who else? He's only got one other. Hagar. Well, did he give a gift to the son of Hagar's son too? Well, you say, I don't know about that. Well, then Moses made a mistake. We've got two options. It's A or B. Either Moses made a mistake and should have written, "to be totally accurate," that Abraham gave gifts to the sons of his concubine. Because if he only gave them to Keturah's boys, then that's what he should have written. And if he made a mistake, which I don't buy, because I don't think Moses made them under the hand of God, then Moses just told us something. He just told us something.

Here's how I think it played out. Sarah was out of the way. I don't know if he started giving gifts to these other boys and then it struck him. I don't know what the order of things was. But somewhere along the line, Abraham gave the same gift to his son Ishmael. Now this is 34 years later, at least. 34 years have gone by. How is Ishmael? Well, I mean, I don't know, but I can only imagine. I think it could be no other way. Ishmael has gotten tough. He has too. He's become a tribal leader. God has blessed him as he promised. So Ishmael is rising up now. He's not just down there shooting rabbits. He is raising his own family. He's raising his own tribe. He's become a powerful man of that central plateau on his own right.

But if I were him, I'd hate my father. I'd be ashamed and I would hate his guts for what he did to me. And I would harden inside and say, "I don't need him." I'll start my own family. I don't need him. And then one day, he looks up and that plateau is flat. And here comes this flock and herds across this plateau. And I can't imagine we're not just... What is this? And this thing arrives, and Ishmael's just befuddled, and what's this? He said, "Sheep and goats, master." I know it, sheep and goats. Why? Who sent this?

And the answer would have been, "Master, your father Abraham sends this gift to his son." There's no question what it is. It knows what it is. It's his inheritance. It's what should have happened 34 years ago, and everybody in the countryside knows it. The firstborn son of a tribal chief driven out with nothing. It's appalling.

And Abraham is saying, "What I did was wrong." I should never have done that. I know it's late, but you're my son. You need your inheritance. Think about how Ishmael would respond. What went on? Let me give you some more clues that are in this story. When Abraham died, you know, they don't have refrigeration or ice. And in those hot climates, you've got what, three, four days before you've got a real problem.

It stinks to high heaven. He's in rigor mortis, the whole mess. So when Abraham died at 175, I guarantee you, because the son Isaac is 80 miles south. What's he doing way down there? 40 miles away from Ishmael. Way down there near his brother. A rider went undoubtedly on the fastest vehicle of choice, the camel. A rider went straight the minute we even think he's about to go. Went south.

Arrives at Isaac's camp. Master, your father has died. Come quickly. Isaac will immediately get on a mount, his own speedy camel, and head north. But somebody tells Ishmael. Now, either a rider was sent to Ishmael's camp directly, or at this moment, Isaac says to one of his servants, "Ride to Ishmael immediately." Tell him, our father has died.

Ishmael gets there. In time, within probably two days. This isn't a long period of time. There isn't a long period of time to have. He immediately rushes north to stand beside his brother. And the two of them, it says, dug the hole. Now, I call them boys. Ishmael's 88. Isaac's 75. So the boys, hand me the shovel.

They lived longer back then. More like he's 50, a young man. Anyway. But they literally, shoulder to shoulder, at the cave of Machpelah, dig this grave and bury their father. And this is no small hidden event. I guarantee you this tribal chieftain is known throughout the area.

There will be thousands there. He's got thousands in his own tribe, let alone whoever came to honor him. And there, shoulder to shoulder, is Isaac and Ishmael, the firstborn. Something has to have happened. There is no way on God's green earth a bitter, alienated, angry son who was abandoned 74 years before is going to ride for all he's worth to get there to dig the hole to bury in honor a father who abandoned him like that and he almost died in the wilderness.

Something's happened. This family's had a healing. And then evidence of that is in verse 12. Abraham's son, Ishmael. Let me, let's look at the lessons. Let's see what happened and let's see how it applies to us.

First of all, I'll just take you back and remind you in chapter 21. Point is this. Bitter people, when it comes to offenses, bitter people will try to pull you into their fight. Bitter people want you to be bitter with them. Right? Amen?

In fact, not just want you to, demand it. If you love me, if you're my friend, I demand that you get angry with me. And if you don't, I consider it a serious breach of loyalty. And our friendship's on the line.

You show your love for me by joining me in my bitterness against this person. Sarah hated Hagar. Just hated her. And that's spread now. And she's literally driven Hagar out of the tribe.

And past that bitterness, I don't know if she passed it, but she insisted he join her upon Abraham. I have an old saying that's so good we ought to cross-stitch it. If we don't talk to the person, we'll talk about them. If you don't talk to the person, you'll talk about them.

It just keeps spilling out of the mouth. It's like the bitterness goes in there and it just bubbles up. It's like you can't keep it. Haven't you noticed? You'll know where those old offenses are. You'll know where the anger is because it's the stuff that bubbles out of your mouth.

It's just stuff you start relating over and over again. Why? Because you're venting. You're trying to get rid of the pain. It's like you're sick to your stomach and you're trying to relieve this pressure somehow by telling people and talking about it and justifying yourself.

You're trying to get some relief inside, but it doesn't work. It just tends to infect others. Now a whole crew of people are bitter with you. And are bearing the anger inside themselves.

Bitter people will try to pull you into their fight. We need to be very careful when it comes to offenses, what our mouth does and all, because we end up sinning even when we're right.

Secondly, old offenses don't go away with time. Old offenses don't go away with time. You know, the mantra in America today is, let's put this behind us and move on. As if we can just turn around, pretend this never happened, and be happy again. Come on.

You can still remember offenses that happened to you in elementary school, can't you? Think about it. I can go through first grade, second grade, third grade. I can remember this stuff, can't you? They don't go away. They don't go away at all.

What they do is go back into our permanent memory and become reality to us. You know, we may even be wrong in the way we assess the person and why they did what they did and why they said what they said. We may totally misunderstood it. But for us, it's more real than reality.

It's in our memory bank. It's in our thought process. That's how it was to us. And every time we think of that situation, and even when we don't think of it, it's part of reality. And we go forward built on that impression.

Old offenses don't go away. You just got to face that. They have to be addressed. Abraham didn't send a servant up to Ishmael and say, "Hey, the family's having a party." Want you to join us? As if we can smile and just pretend it never happened and be friends again.

That's not what happened. The root cause of the offense, number three, must be addressed. The root cause of the offense has to be addressed. You can't talk around it. The healing comes when we deal with the offense. And we deal with it honestly.

Now we're down to something that can heal. What did he do? Abraham went right to the heart of the matter. The offense was that he'd sent his son out. And almost killed him with nothing, as if he were a piece of trash. Yet he was the firstborn son, and the son who had trusted him and loved him as his father all those years.

And he had abandoned him overnight. That's the offense. And no amount of inviting him to a party, or smiling and pretending this never happened, is going to heal that wound. But when the herds and flocks... And the servants and the tents and the camels burying them all appeared on the horizon and rode up.

And the servant says, "Master, your father has sent his son a gift." And it's clearly an inheritance. Not the big portion. Isaac gets that. But this is a son's inheritance. That went, that just was, that went right to the heart of the issue.

The shame, the indignity, the rejection, the abandonment. It goes right to the heart of the issue. And Abraham is saying, "What I did was wrong." Here's what you had due three decades ago. And we're denied. It's late. But you're still my son in my heart.

See, that's what can heal a thing. That now. Now we're talking. Now we're down to grassroots. Now we're down to where we live. The root cause must be addressed. You know, when we talk with people and address it, you have to speak the truth.

Often you'll sit down with somebody and say, "Are you angry?" Oh no, are you kidding? Am I angry? It's embarrassing to admit that we were angry. It's embarrassing to admit we were hurt. It's embarrassing to admit those emotions, isn't it?

And so we often say, oh no, did you think I was hurt? Of course not. A person like you couldn't hurt me. Isn't that kind of really what it's about? We're ashamed to admit you hurt us that way.

It's a sign of weakness somehow. But people, if we're going to have a healing, we have to speak the truth in love. Speak the truth in love. Now, what do I mean by that? You speak the truth for the purpose of healing. You do not speak the truth for the purpose of wounding.

We can sit down and have a truth session and we'll both come out without heads. Right? Because there is nothing sharper than the truth. There is nothing more cruel than sticking the truth in. You can just gore a person with the truth.

So we're not just saying have a truth event. Yeah, well, you know, that's going to kill everything. The attitude in which we enter this process is the key. I'm going to speak the truth gently, not accusatorily.

This isn't a trial. It's a reconciliation event. I'm going to speak the truth with a desire to heal. And to restore the relationship. I'm going to admit. Now that means in some cases I have to admit how I felt and what I said and what I did.

You'll sometimes say, now I heard you said this. And you go, oh no, I never said that. Lying is of no help at all. Lying isn't because our spirit somehow knows the truth.

And so when you lie to me, all it does is put me in tension. My head says one thing, my heart says another, and I'm just all discomfited because... I know you did, and yet you're saying you didn't.

You know, when people are caught in that trap between the heart knowing and the head seeing another, I think it's the reason Perry Mason was so popular. You'd have these whole thing where you're trying to figure out who did it, and everybody's lying.

And then at the very point, the high point of the Perry Mason show is the trial where finally he's got the person pinned, and the person goes, "I killed her, but she had it coming." And we all go, yes, all right. Because finally there's this relief that comes over us.

The truth is out, right? There's a peace, there's a comfort that comes inside. Oh, thank heavens. You're made like that. You're made like that. Your spirit knows. You can tell when there's lies.

And so when you're trying to deal with somebody and they keep saying, oh, I never said that. I never felt that. I never did that. Oh no. All it registers is, you liar. I can't trust you. We can't have a conversation because you're dishonest. You're dishonest with yourself.

You're dishonest with me. When you finally decide to get to the truth, we can talk. So truth is essential. I have said this to people. I did say that. When they'll say, "You said this." I did say it. And honestly, I meant every word of it at the time.

I was furious. You hurt me. And I said it. And I meant it. Then. But I don't mean it now. I have changed. And my feelings have changed. And my attitude has changed. And I'm sorry I said it. I don't feel that way anymore.

That was a moment of anger. A moment of injury. When I reacted and I punched you and I'm sorry. Would you forgive me? I don't feel that way anymore. Now that's the truth, isn't it?

You see, I didn't deny what I said. I didn't deny I meant it. But now I'm telling the whole truth because I don't feel that way now. I've changed.

And I can tell that kind of truth and I've had people just kind of like... Because they were there. They watched my eyes snap when I said it. If I sit here and try to tell them, oh, I didn't mean it, they're going to just know I don't have the courage to tell the truth.

Or I'm out of touch. So the truth, spoken for the purpose of healing, it has to come on the table. Here's what was done. Here's the offense. Here's the truth. That's where healing comes. Abraham... went right at the issue, right at the failure.

He didn't try to cover it up with smiles. He spoke to his son where he had wounded him. Number five, I guess. No, no, no. Number four. Someone must take the first step.

In a reconciliation situation, somebody's got to take the first step. The problem is, it will 99.9% of the time have to be you. I'll confess to you, I am deeply disappointed at what I see in Christians' abilities, in our abilities, to reconcile when there's offenses.

I watch people turn on their heel and walk. I don't watch them sit down and say, "I need to talk through this." You know, there may come a point where you even part, but it ought to be done with every attempt to speak the truth and to reconcile and to be kind and even heal the issue before.

Why? Because old offenses don't go away. Not only for me, but for the other person. When you're angry and you're wounded by it, undoubtedly so are other people.

And when that reconciliation actually happens, not only are you comforted and healed, but so are others. Not only the person probably themselves, but the whole little circle of folks that all got dragged into this fight. Everybody's having to carry the weight on this thing.

So... Someone has to go first. Jesus says to his followers, "You're blessed as peacemakers." Peacemakers, you're the person who takes the initiative to heal this situation. You're the one who chooses to forgive.

You're the one who chooses to step out and initiate this in order to heal relationships. And I guarantee you, the world doesn't do it, do they? This is not the world's way.

In fact, I've heard somebody say lately, the way that companies are firing people is you show up at work after a vacation and they have a box full of your stuff waiting for you. And we'll let you in the building. Talk about betrayal. Talk about cold. Welcome to America.

So this is just, we're just getting colder and colder. More and more a divorcing thing. And more and more we'll end up alone. Everybody's going to be alone at this rate if we don't know how to reconcile.

So who goes first? Whoever is the most spiritual. Whoever is the most Christ-like. Whoever finally gets their head on straight and decides to listen to Jesus. That's the one that will go first.

And I say this and I want to emphasize it because I'm amazed at how long some people are going where they've walked and divorced somebody or left a group or done whatever.

And years will pass and never does their conscience trouble them. To come back and say, "Hey, I just blew you off and I am sorry." I turned on my heel and treated you people like trash and never even spoke to you.

And would you forgive me for that? I needed to tell you this is done and this hurt me. But the way I handled it wasn't right.

That needs to happen. And today, if you have done such, either being wounded or you have walked on somebody, abandoned somebody, may I invite you by the Holy Spirit?

To seek to reconcile that? There's some people we need to sometimes go back and call or visit and just apologize and speak the truth and just see if we can reconcile.

You say, "Oh, well, they'll never reconcile. They're not heads." Well, let's not have both of you be not heads, okay?

My next point is it does take two to reconcile. I know that. And I know there are people who won't. You'll go and say, "I'd like to heal this." And their answer will be, yeah, but.

It always starts with that. Yeah, but you did this. And their thinking

Here is the cleaned and formatted sermon transcription:

We're living with this tension, trying to justify ourselves, trying to get over the rejection, trying to process all of this. We wound one another left and right. And when we reconcile, not only do you get healed, but you probably presented an enormous gift to someone who was angry and hurt and suffering themselves. And you take the yoke off their shoulders as well. Nothing is more releasing or sweet than when an old offense is reconciled like that.

You'll find it just like, oh, a million pounds went away. I'll tell you one story of mine. This happened long, long ago and far, far away. So it had nothing to do with this church or anybody you know, I hope. I had pastored a church, and it became a lovely church.

And then we felt that the Lord was calling us to take another step. And so when I left, I turned the church over to our particular denominational leader. And in my heart, I'm feeling, I'm giving you my flock. I'm giving you my people that I love. And I trust you'll love them as much as I did and put somebody in there.

And I prayed earnestly, just constantly, that God would guide the process. And I don't believe that he meant to put in someone unhealthy, but the person put in was a thief, at least, and I think also immoral. A real charlatan. And my poor congregation just suffered. They weren't used to being treated like this.

And, oh, it caused all sorts of turmoil and consternation and suffering. The church in time, well, in time, 18 months, just plummeted to a fraction of itself. And then this leader, who really is in the role, who should be coming to help, called a meeting with the congregation.

And instead of being gentle and of listening and of weighing the issues fairly, he played the bully. He got tough and bullied them in their pain, which absolutely sealed the thing as a mess. To this day, there are people who wouldn't go to that church. For a million dollars, they're so hurt and betrayed by what happened.

How did I react? Oh, well, you know how I would react. I could have killed him. I'm not joking. It's funny, and you'll notice, I'm going to confess something right now because I think you have these feelings too. I had nightmares in which I beat him to a pulp.

I would have rage come over me where I could have just killed him with my bare hands. And then I'd feel terribly ashamed. Like, where did that come from? I'm a Christian. I'm not supposed to feel like this. And I'd go, oh, Jesus, forgive me. I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry. I won't kill him. You know, I pray blessing on this guy. Oh, be with him and help him. And then I think, I try to handle it unilaterally. I keep trying to forgive and I kind of explain it and rationalize to myself how this happened.

And, you know, we all make mistakes. And, I mean, just on and on and on. I couldn't get relief. It would just swell back and I'd have this fury again. And it was just like a disease now. I just might as well have the flu or something.

I couldn't throw the thing. How long did it last? A week? A month? No, it lasted a couple of years. And it wasn't getting any better. And I'd talk to people. Of course, if you don't talk to them, you'll talk about them. Would I talk about somebody? Absolutely.

Everybody I could get my hands on and I told them my story and how awful this was. Nicely, of course. So I made sure my inspector, and people would say to me, because, you know, in essence, I was right. You can be dead right, you know. I was right.

But they'd say, Steve, but you're bitter. Man, you're bitter. And I'd say, I know it. I don't know how to get rid of it. You ever been bitter, but you can't get rid of it? Well, finally it occurred to me, I know the things I'm telling you today.

I knew them then. And so, one day I was before the Lord and I said, Lord man, I don't know, I must need to reconcile with this guy. But he's like a thousand miles away from where I lived and I didn't have any money to fly up and see him, that kind of thing.

And I thought, I don't know how to handle this thing. Surely, God, you don't really want me to go talk to him. He was a pretty aggressive guy. I mean, this wasn't somebody you wanted to walk in on and confront.

So what I did is I kind of said to the Lord, I felt like it was off the hook. I said, Lord, you know I'm stuck here and you know my finances. So if I were going to talk to him, you would have to bring him to me.

Feeling, well, that does that. I've offered. Two weeks later. Two weeks later, I get the notification that this fellow is coming to where I was to be our spiritual emphasis speaker.

I couldn't believe it when I heard it. I thought, my goodness. I knew my bluff got called. So when he finally showed up, we had a week of things. The first night or so, I went to him and I said, I need to talk to you privately.

He said, we haven't had a very good year, have we? And I said, I need to talk to you privately. He said, all right, so, you know, we'll see what we can do.

Well, the whole week went by and no opportunities. I was busy, he was busy. And then by the last day of the last time, He says, he announces, now, I've got to run for the airplane, so I can't talk to anybody afterwards. Goodbye.

And then I saw him head out. Well, I headed out the other door, and I, you know, I caught him at the parking lot getting into his car. And I said, I've got to talk to you. He says, I've got to get an airplane. I said, I've got to talk to you.

He says, 10 minutes. So I sat down. We sat in the front seat of the car. I knew I had to tell the truth, but I also knew I couldn't roast him. I said, I have been deeply angry at you to the point that I have sinned.

For that, I ask you to forgive me. It started with my side of the equation. Because it was true, I had sinned. There's no explanation, finally, for what I did. I have just crucified the guy in my heart and to others discreetly.

I don't recall him saying the words, I'm sorry. But he said, Steve, I never meant to make a mess out of it. I never meant to hurt that church. And I could tell he was telling me the truth.

He was exasperated. I didn't mean to make such a mess. And I said, well, I forgive you. I had 10 minutes. He wasn't kidding. We were done.

I stepped out of that car, and it was like I was 100 pounds lighter. I want to tell you something. It was a miracle. From that moment on, I had no more nightmares. From that moment on, I had no more rising thing where I had to keep forgiving him, forgiving him, forgiving him.

It was gone. Do I approve of the way he handled it? Not at all. But the bitterness was gone. It was out of my soul. The disease was gone. The fever was over. And now I could pray for him. I could listen to him minister and receive from him.

In fact, hang on, I even felt a measure of love for him and respect the good qualities in his life. That's a miracle. From literally wanting him dead to being grateful he was my brother was huge.

In all of that, by the way, God cared for that church. Picking up what we, the mess we had all made of it. What's the lesson? Reconciliation isn't just an attitude unilaterally done inside. Reconciliation is an activity. It's a step we take.

We who are peacemakers, we who are the Lord's disciples, we're the ones who go first. We're the ones who bring that healing. In doing so, you can anticipate peace and joy, both. You can anticipate a great lifting. You can anticipate your body getting comforted.

Often disease will drop away. Nervous problems will stop because the source is now gone. And you can anticipate that when you give that gift to someone else, they also come out from under judgment.

Because you've been calling down righteous judgment on them. In many cases, you have a right to do so. And so you've been punishing them spiritually. So when they're reconciled to you, they're also blessed.

Would you bow your heads with me? Who today would say, Steve, as you've talked, I know that the Holy Spirit has touched in my heart a wound. That needs to be reconciled. And as God would guide me. As God would strengthen me. I will address this. I need to know how.

I need to know where. But if God will guide me. I'm committing myself. Like I committed and said. If you bring the guy to me. I'm committing that I will respond. And not be passive. But I'll be the peacemaker. I'll take the step. I'll go first.

In bringing this healing or seeking this healing, even if they won't respond, I'll do my side of the equation. Who needs to raise your hand and say, today I've heard the Holy Spirit talk to me about something I need to address? Just lift your hand before the Lord, would you, and hold it there.

Holy Spirit, see our hands. So many of us going through life have scars and wounds that have been inflicted on us and we've inflicted on others. Today we hear you. And we're committing to your Lordship, Jesus. This is the hardest thing in the world to do. There is nothing more difficult.

And yet, because you're our Lord, because we bow our knee to you and we're not kidding, you really are our Lord. And we want to be called sons of God and daughters of God.

And we choose that if you will help us, if you'll be with us in this, we will obey the word of God, believing by faith that you will bring a miracle forth. So we bow our knee to you today. And in our hearts, we choose peace. We choose to heal. We choose to forgive, not approve, but to forgive.

We choose to be released of this old offense, that like Ishmael and his father, we can have peace again. And belong to each other in Christ again.

Come Holy Spirit. We yield to you today. In Jesus' name. Now with heads bowed just one more question. This is an odd question. I've never asked anything like it before. But this weekend the Lord put it on my heart.

And he said I want you to invite. And he said this. That there's going to be some of you who feel like Ishmael. Ishmael during those 34 years. You feel somehow cast out of the family of God.

That you have done something or something's happened and that you have felt cast away from God's family and unwanted. That you're just like that where you've been, you're no longer his son, you're no longer his daughter.

Something's happened where you feel cast away. And the Lord wanted me to say to you today that through me, through this even in this invitation, the Lord is saying, that's not true, it's a lie.

That he has never pushed you out of his heart. That that's your perception, but it's not the truth. And that the Lord chooses you as a son, chooses you as a daughter, loves you and wants restoration of this relationship.

Wants you back into his family, joined to it, joined to him at peace. And I'm supposed to invite you, and somebody just needs to take a step right now.

Who is that in this service, anyone? We'd say, that's me, Pastor. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Anyone else?

Yes. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you. Yes, Lord. Yes. It's so interesting. Yes, Jesus. He knew you were here. I didn't know you were here. This was not my doing. This is not my question.

The Holy Spirit put this question on my heart. It hardly made sense to me when I asked it. Yes. Yes. Anyone else cast away? Yes. I'd like those of you who raised your hand, would you slip and put your hand on your heart?

So I'm going to pray something that he also showed me. Here's what came. What came was that the Holy Spirit is placed into the children of God.

It's a spirit of sonship, we're told, which cries out, Abba, Father. Do you remember that? So that within you, as a born-again child of God, the Holy Spirit is dwelling.

And right now, whether you can hear him or not, he's crying out, Father. He's crying out to your Father because you are a child of God. Holy Spirit, you who dwell within us, right now, in the name and authority of Jesus Christ, that lie which has been embraced,

That abandonment which has been believed, That sin which loomed so great in our minds that it has separated us from you.

In the name and authority of Jesus Christ, wherever that lie has root, I break its power in the name of the Lord. I see that thing cut off and released from you, and may that lie be exposed by the Holy Spirit this minute, right now.

May you see it to be what it is, a lie. And Holy Spirit, your promise to us is that you cry out from within, Abba Father.

And I pray for this heart that's got a hand on it right now. May this heart well up. And may your voice get loud inside. Abba, Father. My Father. My Father.

May this daughterhood, this sonship burn inside. Abba, Father. Church, would you just say with me, Father? Again, Father. Again, Father. Louder, Father. Again, Father.

Our hearts cry it out. Father, we are your children, heirs of your estate. Cry out within us our sonship. Cry out within us our daughterhood. Burn inside.

Now may the Holy Spirit himself confirm to you the truth of your sonship, of your daughterhood in the family of God crying out within you. Abba, Father.

In Jesus' holy name we pray. That's your prayer. Would you say amen with me? Amen. Thanks for listening. If you'd like to order one of Pastor Steve's books or see what other resources we offer, visit our website at lifelessonspublishing.com.

Again, that's lifelessonspublishing.com. And don't forget to share us with a friend.