I want to read one of my favorite stories in the Bible. I loved it as a boy. It's the only glimpse we have of Jesus in 30 whole years of his life. It's found in the second chapter of Luke's Gospel. Fancy knowing nothing about the life of the Son of God for 30 years except one incident. Nothing. I'd love to know the story, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you love to know how he behaved at Nazareth and what kind of thing happened to him in his teen years? The only glimpse we have is of Jesus at the age of 12, but we'll start reading at verse 39 when he's only eight days old, and then we'll jump straight to when he's 12 because the gospel does.

Verse 39, when Jesus' parents had fulfilled all the requirements of the law of God. That tells you something about Joseph and Mary, doesn't it? They returned home to Nazareth in Galilee, and there the child became a strong, robust lad, and was known for wisdom beyond his years, and God poured out his blessings on him.

When Jesus was 12 years old, he accompanied his parents to Jerusalem for the annual Passover festival, which they attended each year. And after the celebration was over, they started home to Nazareth, but Jesus stayed behind in Jerusalem. His parents didn't miss him the first day, for they assumed he was with friends among the other travelers. But when he didn't show up that evening, they started to look for him among their relatives and friends. When they couldn't find him, they went back to Jerusalem to search for him there.

Three days later, they finally discovered him. He was in the temple, sitting among the teachers of law, discussing deep questions with them and amazing everyone with his understanding and answers. His parents didn't know what to think. "Son," his mother said to him, "why have you done this to us? Your father and I have been frantic, searching for you everywhere." That little speech is so typical, isn't it?

But why did you need to search, he asked. Didn't you realize that I would be here at the temple in my father's house? Do you notice a little thing there? Your father and I have been frantic. Uh-uh. I've been with my father.

Did you notice that? And with a shock, Mary realized that he knew who his father was. She'd never told him the truth. And she'd always thought that he thought Joseph was his father. Now she knows, he knows. But they didn't understand what he meant. Not the first lot of parents to fail to understand their son, even at 12.

And now comes the staggering thing. Then he returned to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. And his mother stored away all these things in her heart. So Jesus grew both tall and wise and was loved by God and men.

Honor your father and mother that you may have a long good life in the land the Lord your God will give you.

I don't need to tell you that family life is changing radically. It's changing in size. The average number of children is now two to three. My wife's mother was one of 13. That's one of the changes that has occurred.

It has not only changed in size, it has changed in scope. Most homes today have only two generations living in the home, whereas not long ago, many homes had three generations living together. And very often, we were as much influenced by our grandparents as by our parents, if not more.

So the whole pattern of family life is changing. Indeed, some are predicting that family life will cease to be.

There have been many attempts to analyze the causes for the breakdown of much family life. Some people say it was due to the war, when fathers were away and mothers had to cope. Sometimes their children were evacuated. Some say it's due to work. That we now have the bread winner and the jam winner in the same family. And the husband and wife are both getting wages.

Other people say it is due to wages themselves that children now, instead of being apprenticed for some years on a pittance, can get more money than their parents quite quickly and are therefore able to be independent and say, "I'll just go and get a flat and then you won't tell me what time to be in."

There are many causes for it. Behind them all, Satan must be rubbing his hands because one of his priority targets is to break down the unit we call the family.

Why? Because when you break the family down, you break down almost every other social grouping.

This is the one basic unit, what a brick is to a wall, the family is to any social grouping. It's true in churches that the hard backbone, the core of many church fellowships, is made up of Christian families. We thank God for those who are Christians, whose families are not, but those who come and who found Christ.

But a Christian family is a unit that makes for a strong church, makes for a strong nation, makes for a strong community. And if the family breaks up, most other social groupings suffer.

If you read the decline and fall of the Roman Empire, you'll find an astonishing picture emerging, desperate measures of contraception, child abandoning, frequent divorce, change of partner, you'll find that in fact when the Roman family began to break up, the whole fabric of the empire's structure felt the strain.

Now we are going to look at one side only of family life. We're interpreting these commandments in the light of the New Testament, and we have seen last Sunday night that some commandments passing through Jesus are radically transformed and are fulfilled in a very different manner than they were to the Jew.

That applied to the last commandment, the fourth on the Sabbath day. But when we come to this one, we find that it goes clean as a whistle straight through the teaching of Jesus and is quoted verbatim six times in the New Testament where the one on the Sabbath is not quoted once.

So that this commandment goes straight through from Jewish life straight into Christian and is therefore a vital part as it stands of working out our Christian relationships in community.

Now, what does this commandment mean? How are we to honor our father and mother?

I'm going to speak first to those who have fathers and mothers, or either. And then I'm going to speak second to those who have children, because I believe this commandment has two sides, one of which is written and one of which is between the lines.

But let's take the first. Honor your father and mother. How? What does it mean?

Basically, it is the same attitude all the way through life, but in practice, with the changing circumstances of age, the same attitude will be expressed in different relationships at each stage of life first.

Undoubtedly, the first way of honoring your parents in the first stage of life is by submission. Not a very popular word. I chose it deliberately. I thought of saying obedience and then I thought submission would make you sit up more because it's got a kind of ring about it that we don't like today.

Submission, submission. We don't like authority. We don't like anyone over us. We want to express ourselves. We want to be independent. We want to manage our own life. And so I've used the word submission.

Undoubtedly, this means that while a child is at home and dependent on parents, that it is a call to the child to be submissive to the parent. I did not use the word cringe. I used the word submit. Call it obedience if you like. But there is something profoundly unnatural about a self-willed child. It's not natural.

And it breaks up a home very, very quickly. And so there ought to be this first understanding, children obey your parents in the Lord. But there will come a stage when that dependence rightly becomes independence, and then the honor will change. It will change from submission to courtesy, to respect.

One of the great dangers today is that young people have had a far better chance in life than their parents ever had. They probably have more knowledge, and they are probably more clever, but that does not mean that they are more wise. And it is this confusion between being clever and wise which makes a young person guilty of the worst kind of snobbery, which is to look down on parents.

Life is what teaches you wisdom. Years bring wisdom. And the kind of courtesy and respect that will follow in this second stage is just the memory that your parents have been round more corners than you have. And that what seems to you as narrow-mindedness is in fact an honest desire to let you have the best of life.

It is, in fact, sometimes even a hangover from the mistakes your parents made. One of the things we parents do, and maybe I'm jumping ahead a bit now, is that we will try and push our children further up the ladder than we got, and therefore we try and force them to evade the mistakes we made.

As one teenage girl said to her mother, "What did you do at my age that makes you so worried about me?" which must be one of the most devastating questions that has ever been asked, to which there is no answer. But you must remember that your parents have sinned, and that is why they desire to help you not to.

It is because they have been round some corners they shouldn't have been round, and because they have regrets about it and because their life was tarnished forever afterwards that they have an anxiety.

That you should learn the easy way from them rather than the hard way by yourself. So it involves a courtesy and respect after independence is achieved that you are still willing to listen and consider their advice.

Just believing that their experience of life might just have made them a little more wise than yourself. Or just believing that their anxiety is to help you to avoid the regrets that they have.

Every parent would say to you, if they're honest, "I would love to go back and be your age again. Knowing what I know now, I would give anything to go back." But we can't always do it. In fact, we can never do it.

The third stage is later on in life still when the roles are actually reversed and honor becomes supporting those who once supported you.

Here there are difficulties, there are deep questions to work out, and I know that some of you have wrestled with this question. Should mom or dad go to a home? That's the kind of issue you've had to face.

But at least you've faced it in the light of seeking to honor them, whatever the decision the Lord has led you to.

And it is not for me to tell you what you should have done. But we've run the whole gamut here from submission in the early stage through respect and courtesy in the middle stage.

To support at the final stage. As I understand it, to honor your father and mother will change with the changing circumstances. But your basic respect will always be there.

Jesus Christ is the most perfect example of all three stages that I know.

Stage number one was during his boyhood, he was subject to Mary and Joseph. They didn't know he realized he was the Son of God, but even though he was the Son of God, he still became subject to a village carpenter and his wife.

I don't know if Joseph and Mary sometimes made mistakes in bringing Jesus up. I just don't know. But I know this, he was subject to them the whole way.

But there came a point where he achieved his independence, and the Jewish boy achieved that at 12, 12 years of age.

I mention that because we've had a fixed idea in our society that 21 was the right age. We're just beginning to accept 18, but we might have to come lower still.

And there's nothing in the Bible about 21 and 18. The age in the Bible was 12.

But at that age, a boy undertook full adult responsibility. He actually became a partner in his father's firm. He literally got about his father's business at the age of 12.

I remember being in Jerusalem and in the large synagogue there, the chief rabbinate, at a morning service and seeing a little 12-year-old boy.

His parents sitting behind bursting with pride. And there was the little lad with his skull cap on.

And he was given the scroll and he read the law. He was now a son of the law. He was now honor bound to keep it. No longer was he a juvenile. Now he was a man.

The pride in the boy as he read the law in front of everybody. It was quite a big moment. The bar mitzvah ceremony.

And Jesus was taken to Jerusalem and achieved his independence.

And assumed that his parents would understand that he had achieved his independence because he never told them where he was going.

And that was perfectly right. He did nothing wrong. He was now an adult. Now they should have treated him as an adult and said, "Where are you going?" Not, we'll tell you where you go.

And so he went. Not thoughtless. He just went. He was an adult now.

And so they became frantic. And like a lot of other parents, they had not learned to let their boy become an adult. They'd not learned to let the child go, to stir up the nest and let the little eaglets fly for themselves.

And so we've been frantic. Where have you been? You've had us so worried.

And that speech has been made from about 11 p.m. to 2 a.m. in home after home all over the world.

And Jesus just quietly reminded them that he was now independent.

I'm a man now, and I've just taken up a partnership in my father's business. You should have understood that.

But the next verse is the remarkable one.

And then he came back to Nazareth and was subject to them.

That is the astonishing thing. Even though he asserted his independence, he still gave them respect.

It is a remarkable verse that. I could understand it coming before the story, but to come after it.

And the result, Jesus grew in wisdom. In wisdom. Not just in cleverness, but in wisdom.

And he was in favor with God and man.

Those who want to rebel and those who want to strike out and those who want to say, "I'm going my own way just as soon as I can get away from here," are not usually the people who enjoy good relationships with God and men.

Jesus did.

Here is the cleaned and formatted sermon transcription:

When they do get out of the roof, they get out of the family too. They don't come back for advice. Well, it's easy enough for me to give advice, isn't it? It's like the man who had six theories of bringing up children, which he freely lectured upon until he got six children. And that was the end of the lecture. And I've got three just about to go through the teens, or going through them.

The third stage is this. By the way, on that last stage, one of the texts in the Bible that seems to me the most amazing example of parental wisdom is this. One day a young man came to his father and said, "Give me some money, I want to go away." And the father divided unto them his substance. Did you ever notice that? What a father! What a father.

He didn't say, "Look, I know how you're going to spend that money and you'll never get a penny of mine until I'm in my grave." That would have been a more typical reaction, but he divided to them his substance and sadly watched his boy go off with the money, knowing that he would be penniless very quickly. He knew that boy, but he'd rather have him come back later. Penniless, yes, but he'd rather have him come back to a place where he knew there was help and love than have him chained up in the kitchen like that nice little goody-goody, the elder brother.

Much rather. And the third stage is this, and it must be a difficult stage. I have not reached it yet. It is this: when you've reached the stage where you need the support of your children and you need to depend on them, that really is difficult, isn't it? I've got to swallow a bit of pride now.

And I remember my father once saying to me, when I was a boy, he said, "One day I'll sit in the car and you'll drive me." And I said, "Oh, no, Daddy, you'll be dead by then. I mean, after all, he was at least 40. And he had one foot in the grave and the other on a banana skin in my eyes."

Well, to be able to receive help from those you have brought into the world, that may not be easy, but it may be the right way to be honorable. So here are the two sides: to honor and to be honorable. If these both sides do not coincide, there are real difficulties.

Let me mention one problem which some of you teenagers and twenties may want to discuss afterwards. How does this apply when the child is a Christian and the parent is not? That's a difficult one. Very difficult indeed. We'll talk about that later.

But I notice that there are no ifs attached to this commandment. It doesn't say, "Honor your father and mother if they're good parents." Or if they're honorable. It's saying you honor them whatever they are like. No conditions, no qualifications, and I'll tell you why in a moment.

In fact, I'll go straight into why now, and then we're finished. Why should you honor your father and mother? Is there a good reason for it? Can I answer that by asking which half of the commandments is this one in?

A little Jewish child learns the commandments on two hands. No other gods. Honor his name. Sorry, no graven images. Honor his name. Keep the Sabbath. Honor your father and mother. Kill, adultery, steal, false witness, and covet.

Now, do you notice which half this one comes in? And people have said there's something wrong. You know, it really belongs to your relationship to people, not your relationship to God. And it's slipped over. It should be in the second half, but maybe God just thought of six for people and four for him.

I'm going to tell you now that there's a very sound reason why it's in the first lot. Your honoring of your parents is a vital ingredient of your relationship to God. Those who do not honor Father on earth will not honor Father in heaven because they will not know how.

You learn your relationships to God first by learning your relationships to your parents who are your gods. And even if they teach you to say your prayers, your real prayers are to your father and mother. When you're in need, you go and pray to them. Daddy, Mommy.

And you learn an attitude of dependence and love and trust and obedience in your relationships to your parents first. It is right that those should break at a certain point and be transferred to God. The tragedy is when they break and they're not transferred to anyone.

God intends that we learn these relationships at an earthly level, and then when we're old enough, we transfer them to a Heavenly Father. We know how to trust and obey. We know how to go to someone in need. And so we've learned the right relationship.

Therefore, I can say that those who have respected their parents will find it much easier to reverence God. They will understand the relationship much more easily.

And this is why I'm going to say something about this commandment that I said the other Tuesday about conscience. And some of you didn't quite perhaps understand what I was saying. I said this, that conscience may mislead you at times. It's conditioned by your upbringing, your background, and so much.

But always obey your conscience, even if it is not strictly true to what is right. Even if it's not quite geared onto the will of God yet. Always obey your conscience.

It's always right to obey your conscience, even though you may later gear your conscience more accurately to what is God's word and God's will. And in the same way, I'm saying, Always honor parents, whatever they're like, because you are doing yourself a favor.

If you do, you're learning the attitude which will give you most blessing under God. Do you see what I'm saying?

And therefore we honor in order that we may reverence God. And what we learn at our mother's knee will be later applied to God.

It seems to me that father and mother perfectly combine themselves not exclusively but in a wonderful blend of justice and mercy. We fathers tend to be a bit tougher than new mothers, and therefore it must be a partnership. We tend to be a bit tough and maybe sometimes the mothers are a bit soft, and it needs a partnership to get it right and to be a blend of justice and mercy.

They must not be able to say or the mother must never say, "Don't ever let your father know you did that." That's not a partnership. But together, combining the feeling of the father for rules and laws and the feeling of the mother for mercy and forgiveness, they can teach each other together to give the child a picture of justice and mercy combined.

And that's going to open the whole of God's personality to that child's understanding.

I've told you about a youth club I went to where the leader told me before I spoke to the youngsters, "Whatever you do, don't mention the word father and don't mention the word love. Not here."

And of course, I fell straight into the trap. I managed to avoid father, but I mentioned the word love. And a girl in the front row made an obscene gesture to me.

And I realized that was a blunder. Fancy not being able to use the word father so that they had no conception of God through what they'd learned earlier.

That was in most of their cases because the father was not honorable. Perhaps they didn't even know who he was.

So respecting parents will lead us to reverence God. And the natural course of life in God's plan is that having learned the relationship in a home, we then apply that same understanding of love and trust and respect to our Heavenly Father through Jesus Christ.

The other side of this is my last word, and that is that deserting God leads to the dishonoring of parents. Why is it that family life is breaking up? Why is it that youngsters are getting into so much trouble? Why is there this attitude of rebellion? Why is there the generation gap?

I'll tell you. Because we've left God out for so many generations now. We're now in the third and fourth generation away from God.

You go back through family life and you'll find somewhere three or four generations back a godly man or woman who had a profound influence on that family line, but now they got away from God.

No wonder these parents who've inherited second-hand Christian standards find it impossible to pass them on to their children. They're trying to pass on the fruit without the root and it can't be done.

You run out of Christian capital by the third or fourth generation.

I'll tell you the most exciting thing that's happening today. The new generation is finding God again. And there are people here tonight because their youngsters have brought them to church.

And a little girl climbed on her father's knee and said, "Daddy, when are you going to come to church?" That's what's happening today.

And a little child shall lead them back. It's happening all over England. It's exciting.

There's a new generation that is rediscovering God, and thank God they will then be in a position to pass on a faith to their children and to show their children the kind of relationship that can be developed in which God and loving God is not a duty but a delight, in which Sunday is a good day, in which worship is exciting and full of love.

That's exciting.

But the opposite is true, and if you read Romans 1, you'll find this. When men give God up, God gives men up. When he does, disobedience to parents is what follows, among many other vile things that you'll find in Romans 1, which reads like a police desk blotter.

And when you read through that list, there in the middle, disobedience to parents.

You don't have to search far for the explanation of why family life in Britain has broken up. They used to get married in church. Then they said, "Why be married in church?" Then they said, "Why be married?"

They used to say, "Why be religious? Now they say, "Why be good?"

That's not a coincidence. If you lose God, you lose goodness. If you lose God, you lose these standards.

And you can't pass them on. And even if you've inherited them secondhand from your grandparents and live a fairly decent life, you wonder why your children don't.

And the answer is, you couldn't pass anything on to them. You've got second-hand standards and you haven't got God.

So my last word, I think, is not to young people, it's to parents. Don't think you can pass on goodness unless you've got God. Honor father and mother, that is within the context of the people of God.

It is in the context of fathers and mothers who believed in God, who'd been redeemed by God, who'd been brought out of slavery by God, and it is in that context that God says to the children, "Honor your father and mother."

What's the reward? In the Old Testament, God said, you will live a long good life in your land. That promise does not just like that go through to the New Testament.

There's no guarantee that you will stay in your land and live a long life because you've honored your parents. But Paul points out in Ephesians that this command was the first one with a promise attached to it, pointing out therefore, that clearly God has a special blessing for those who keep it.

And there is no doubt that every family in which this is done is blessed as a family that God's proud of and a family that Jesus likes to live with.

Let us pray. Oh God, we do fall short, so very far short of your glory. Those of us who are called Father were just called after you, but were nothing like you. Lord, we parents pray tonight that you'll help us to keep the respect of our children.

And we young people here tonight pray that you'll help us to overcome all the pressures on us to lose the respect we have for our parents.

And grant that in this too we may show that we love you. By this will all men know that you love me, said Jesus, that you keep my commandments.

Amen.

Hymn number 668 is a prayer. For our loved ones, and you younger ones can think of your parents while we sing it, and you parents, you can think of your youngsters scattered all over maybe now, but let's just pray for those we love.

Holy Father, in thy mercy, hear thy children's prayer. Keep our loved ones in their absence, neath thy care.